well, it’s been just about a whole month that i’ve been in this nasty funk. luckily, i am feeling much better now, although not 100%. i’m having an easier time letting go of what was wrong (for the time being) and am trying to focus on my painting and on getting the gallery/retail space open for business.

as part of my way of remedying this bout of depression i’ve been going through, i decided to take the train up to seattle with adam. he went up for a boys weekend with is old buddies, and i was there just to get away from portland for a couple days (it’s necessary sometimes) and for work related reasons. it was actually very nice and relaxing. i spent friday night at a cool little hostel, walked through pike place market, ate lots of pho’/thai/chinese food, wandered around downtown a little on my own and lost myself in seattle’s public library. it definitely helped me unwind and forget about everything that has been upsetting me lately.

i’ve also noticed that i’ve been medicating myself with snacks… lots and lots of snacks. even last night when adam and i were at the store, i was carrying around at least three bags of snacky-type food. i would have grabbed more had he not given me a disapproving look. the best are the oreo cakesters. i’d like to kiss whoever came up with those.

the one snack that i’ve been the most obsessed with though are shrimp chips. uwajimaya is right next to the train station in seattle, so i knew i had to stop in there and grab a bag before we came home. since then, i’ve actually ordered 3 big bags of them from (you’d never think) amazon.com! who knew they sold FOOD on amazon.

i love shrimp chips… but i think they are an aquired taste. they stink like fish… bad fish. but they are so yummy and delicious. i discovered these when i first moved to portland maybe 6-7 years ago at the uwajimaya in wretched beaverton. not the most glamorous (and the name doesn’t sound so appetizing), but i have a secret crush on these snacks. this must be the asian in me coming out. why i’m dedicating a whole blog to these - i have not idea why, but i’m so excited for my order to get delivered. they should be here friday. hoorah!

some of you may have noticed that i have been absent for the last couple weeks. let me tell you, i have not been off having a good time. i’ve actually been having a horrible time. there are some unresolved issues that i’m having a hard time dealing with but i’m starting to feel a little better. i’ll leave it at that…

anyway, with my absence, i haven’t been completely unproductive. i have been taking it a little easier than usual, but there are still things going on and life goes on. so here are the updates!

tonight, i have a gallery show at bamboo grove salon on 1st and taylor. if you are out and want to see some cool art, drink free booze and hear good beats, please stop by and say hello. i’m anticipating that it will be a pretty mellow night and i’m not even sure how long i’ll be there. i haven’t really been feeling up to being around people, but i will be there for a bit. at least come by to check out marshall stokes’ work. he does these fabulous tattoo style burnings onto skate decks. they are pretty sweet.

i’ve also been working with a brand new gallery/boutique in new york called genuine artikle. they will be opening at the end of the month and (good news peeps!), i will have an exclusive line of t-shirts through them! so for all the people who have been asking me for the last 5 years when i’m going to start printing on clothes, the wait is over! it’s very very exciting for me. it’s great because i’ve been trying hard this year to expand myself and pick up art shows with galleries out of state. the east coast has been my goal and i’ve slowly been creeping my way across the country and FINALLY i have a foot in the door! i will keep you all updated on when the line of tees will be out. i’m feeling like i’m all set now that i’m doing stickers and will have giclee prints coming out soon. now if i could only figure out where i can get vinyl toys done…

this has been a rough week for me. today is the first day i am feeling ok. i’ve been having panic attacks everyday this week up until now and i’m feeling really tired and drained. crying is bad for your face.

i should probably go see a therapist. this is something i’ve been realizing for the last few years, because i don’t really know why i’m having these attacks. overall i’m happy. i like my job, i’m doing well on my painting, i love my husband and generally things are pretty good. i have lots of baggage though, which again, i think is shining through in my art.

it’s getting increasingly hard for me to sit and just breath and relax. i always feel on edge. my husband is spectacular too for helping me out but i’m feeling pretty bad because i really want to tell him why i’m so upset but it’s a bit hard to do when i don’t even know myself.

well, i spent a long time yesterday crying. my poor hubby! he has to deal with me and all my craziness. honestly, i’m not feeling any better today, but it’s so nice to know that he’s there for me, no questions asked.

the high point and probably a good way to end the night was that we filed our taxes right under the wire. i had to redo a portion of our return and by some miracle of god we DON’T have to pay like i thought we would! instead of paying almost $300 like it had originally turned out, we are getting back over $1000! i don’t know why it turned out that way but i’m certainly not going to question it.

the weather here is dreary now, which i think is contributing to my feeling of depression. i need to paint (i have two gallery shows next month) and i need to work. neither are things i really feel like doing. i kind of just want to curl up into a ball and hide away for a while. maybe just until i start feeling happier.

do you ever have one of those days where you just want to burst into tears for no reason? i think i’m having one of those days. i can’t focus on any work, my hands are so shaky (for no reason) that i can’t paint, and i’m feeling a little depressed.

a certain anniversary in my life is coming up. it’s not a good anniversary either. it’s a sad one, and probably one of the worst days of my life. i realize it’s normal to have your bad days, bad weeks, maybe even a bad month - but there are only a handful of days in my life that i consider one of the ‘worst days in my life’.

one was when my best friend tried to commit suicide. another was when i broke up with the first boy i ever loved and the subsequent day i begged him to take me back (and he said no). also, the day that i told my parents i was moving out and into an apartment with a guy and was told i was a disappointment, would get written out of their will and that i was going to hell for being a sinner. in all reality, these probably were not physically the worst days, but emotionally they were the most crippling for me. and now another day - may 3rd - is part of that small group of ‘worst days’.

for the last two years i have been hoping to not remember may 3rd, but as the date creeps up i can’t help but start dwelling on what this day means to me. i know the day will come and then it will pass with little to no fanfare but it puts such a sad weight inside me. i know i can’t change what happened that day and it’s a terrible waste of energy and emotion to think about it so much, but i really can’t help it. my mind wanders and i start thinking of all kinds of things i shouldn’t think about. i try to remember life goes on and there are lots of good and happy and wonderful days, but sometimes i forget.

something that i have noticed too… i have been getting a lot of painting done in the last week or so in preparation for upcoming shows and all the girls i have been painting are crying. they are all sad and weeping. other people have always pointed out how my paintings seem to subconsciously reflect myself and how i’m feeling. i know it’s an ‘artist thing’, but it’s not something i’ve ever done on purpose. right now though, i’m not motivated to paint anything else but these girls.

and sorry for the bad photo of this new painting. i didn’t feel like fixing it right now.

over the last few months i haven’t been feeling very well. i’ve had some sort of ongoing lethargy, sniffles, aches and pains, and of course the issues with my wrists. my hubby has suggested i change my exercise (which i don’t do), change my diet (which is not so hot) and maybe go see a physical therapist (who will probably tell me to stop painting). surprisingly though i have been feeling so much better this week and i think it’s because i’ve been so productive. i’ve gotten three paintings done, did my volunteer work and even had time to get work done for the gallery. i’m feeling pretty good right about now.

today, unfortunately, i am feeling quite itchy. i have a hunch that one of the kids at the volunteer center came in yesterday and brought some fleas in with them. within two hours of them coming in after school i had about 6 bug bites which you can imagine is SO attractive. as soon as i came home i stripped down and threw my clothes in the washer because the last thing i wanted to do is have fleas jump on my cat. i am pretty miserable this morning though.

in other news, the art opening at alpha cult gallery is coming up next week! if you are in l.a. or long beach or anywhere around there, please stop by and take a look! these are the paintings i will have at this show and they are both only $100!

below is all the information for the show too. all the proceeds for this show are going to a great cause so please tell your friends!

the weather here in portland has been awfully dreary over the weekend. lots of rain and clouds and it always feels colder than it actually is. you’d think i’d be use to this type of weather since i’m a native oregonian, but i’m not. this kind of weather always brings me down.

friday, i got two small paintings done. i am back in business people. i’ve been really unproductive, but going out first thursday helped me get back in the mood for painting though and i’m working hard on getting some new pieces done. i think i had a secret panic attack inside myself after realizing how busy i am going to be this year. i don’t think i really noticed that i am booked up for shows all the way through the end of summer. after sitting down for a bit and really laying things out i kind of figured i’m going to have zero free time. i just need to remember to take a deep breath and not worry about tomorrow or the next day. just focus on today… and today i am going to paint and work on a little work for the giving tree. i also need to get ready for my art shows next month (i’ll be having two) and i’m going to try to start organizing for those.

tomorrow is first thursday and if you’re out, please stop by pala lounge where i’ll have some paintings up. my hubby and i will also be out perusing the galleries and end up there sometime tomorrow night around 8pm for a little dancing, booze and hang out time with close friends. the weather tomorrow is suppose to be fantastic! (67 deg.) super fabulous if i do say so myself, considering last week it was snowing! only in portland will you see weather like that. at least my cat is having fun with the sun. with the sunshine pouring in our tiny window, she’s spent most the morning chasing her own shadow around.

as for work… well it looks like when artful goods finally opens it’s doors for business i’ll be going back to work FULL TIME (at least for a while). a major bummer for me since i won’t be able to paint as much.. not that i am right now. anyway, i’m suppose to be working on the retail space layout right now, which i’m also not doing. oh well.

hopefully we’ll be carrying some jewelry by this great local artist who runs curly girl glass. her jewelry is so unique and wonderful. i can’t wait to see it in person (which i will this saturday). she currently sells her work on etsy, but hopefully it will be available in the gallery towards the end of april.

anyway, i think that is all for today. trying to keep this short and sweet since i SHOULD be working. see you all tomorrow!

i woke up at 7:30 this morning and looked out the window to find that it was SNOWING. is it just me or aren’t we in our second week of spring? it was almost acceptable that it was snowing earlier in the week out towards the suburbs since they are at a higher elevation, but down here in the valley? spring is looking pretty dismal at this point. boo to you, snow.

anyway, i wanted to let you all know about a new gallery that i may be working with. howl gallery and tattoo is a new high end gallery opening soon in florida. yes… FLORIDA. a very very long ways from me, but i love tattoos and i love art, so what could be better? they’ll be offering fine art tattooing, monthly art openings and will have an in-house graphic design team. it’s definitely an interesting mishmosh of services but i think it will be really successful if they do it right. hopefully i’ll be showing there towards the end of summer but we have yet to hammer out a specific date. on top of that, they’ve asked for a little bit of gallery consultation too. i’m really looking forward to working with them.

i also stumbled onto this french artist a while back and forgot to post about her. please check her out! meri princesita does these wonderfully adorable pop-infused illustrations of cherub faced girls. SO CUTE. she also knits little anime style food and plushies. hahahah. can it GET any better!?

well folks, it looks like the current gallery i was showing at is CLOSING. sad news, people… sad news indeed. i’ve shown there quite a few times in the last few years and witnessed them build an amazing reputation for themselves, but i suppose all good things must come to an end. the proprietor and proprietress are both talented artists/designers, so i’m sure they have something up their sleeves for the future.

as for me, it looks like i have an unexpected joint show coming up with my friend nate. if you’re out on first thursday, please stop by pala lounge in oldtown, as i’ll have a few pieces up there for the month of april. as you can see, our work is really different. we’ve shown together in the past and it’s always really interesting the kind of reactions we get when our work is put together side by side.

other than that, i’m preparing now to send some pieces down to l.a. (also for april) and then i’ll be preparing for my show in may at bamboo grove. again, i have completely FAILED at getting any painting done but i swear i’m going to get my ass in gear (soon). i have a feeling after the next couple months, my painting work is going to cut back quite a bit. artful goods’ gallery and retail space will be opening towards the end of april and i’ll have to gear my attention to that. so far it looks like the summer is going to be pretty busy with personal work, gallery work, volunteer work and whatever else i’m forgetting.

i think that’s all. oh, and i’ve also realized most of the people who read this are strangers, so for those of you who don’t know who i am… uh, here i am!  try to guess which one i am!! (just kidding). i’m the one with the pink face who’s obviously been drinking. haha.